When will you sleep, emily?

I'm so torn and yet frustrated. It has been 4 days trying to let Emily cry to sleep for nights. It was still ok the first two days. Actually it was great on day 2. But not good after that. Except for day2. It still took Emily 2-3hrs to go to sleep, ending with a feed and not cos she managed to settle herself to sleep! What IS wrong??
(that was written 2-3days ago. So far the last two nights Emily has slept relatively well. That is she had fallen asleep at 7ish and lasted till 12ish am! Actually one of the nights she slept till 4ish am from 8ish pm)

I wished someone can really help me here without having to pay like $100+ to get an expert. I wish someone can tell me exactly what to do when she had managed to settle and yet wake up 5-15mins later screaming again. we did the cry 12mins thing for like 4 times! Cos everytime I went in to settle her and it's not pick her up, she will eventually sleep after like 5-10mins and then wake up again 5-15mins later! That is as long as her sleep cycle is. That is how long she sleeps
each time I put her down for a nap.

On Wednesday I started to tackle the naps. she slept 30mins for morning nap (miracle!) but i wondered if it's cos I put her down in my bed. Mid day nap was 15mins only. I tried putting her in my bed but no success this time. Afternoon at 345pm she managed to sleep another 15mins soothing herself with sucking the pillow but woke up crying and that pillow sucking no longer soothed her. In the end in my desperation to get her to sleep more and longer so she can make it to bedtime I rocked her to sleep and carried her till I had together dinner ready at 445pm.

Why? I asked God why? Why won't she sleep? Last time Eliza will not fight sleep as badly as Emily. Aka scream when she wants to sleep. As much as I enjoy carrying Emily, I can't carry her ALL the time to get her to sleep and when she is sleeping! I guess it is also in her temperament that she is like that.

From day 1 her crying when she resist bathing will send Eliza running out of the room as far as she can. My mil who bathed the crying Emily said that her ears were ringing after that. I don't remember Eliza crying to be that loud! Haha.

So even as we endure this sleep training, I am also learning to be consistent. There are many times when I really do not know what to do next. Do I pick her up or settle her on her cot or let her continue her nap or what? I really want to pick her up many a times but I also soon came to realize that I am giving her mixed signals. I read somewhere that we are teaching them to form good sleep habits. I can't say Eliza was a fantastic sleeper but she was, in comparison, an easier one. But then she also had her pacifier to soothe her to sleep which doesn't work for Emily. And Eliza had the itchy problem which wakes her and me up frequently at night. Sooo every baby is really different.

The naps are hard to tackle but we'll get there. The first few days is really tough cos I couldn't do much when I left her to protest. I would be outside with Eliza and there's once Eliza probably noticing my *i dunno what to do now* state, hugged me and said "it's ok mummy. It's ok" *melts*!

We continue to pray that Emily will learn to settle on her own to sleep and sleep longer. Ie not just 20mins only. I know it is not enough for her cos she gets tired really fast if I get her up.

To better sleep days ahead!

Sleep talking part 2

Eliza tend to rouse around 12midnight to 1am and in before that she tends to sleep talk. Usually we hear it when we're in the room..though nowadays, it seemed to be much louder.

On one of the nights when i was staying up, i heard her call out "Where's mummy?" which she would do if she is sufficiently awake and don't find me in my bed. So i answered from the study that i'm coming while i turn off the computer, thinking i'll go to bed anyway, since it's so late. I found her fast asleep when i went into the room to check. So was she sleeping or awake?

Oh and i'm starting to wonder if she has started to have nightmares / night terrors....she'll suddenly wake up crying really loud and somehow seem inconsolable. Though it could be that she was feeling bloated and it is really uncomfortable. Tonight i rubbed some ruyi oil and it seemed to help. It happened on other occasions..just that this time she was saying "i don't want, i don't want". Maybe a mix of both eh?
Still pray she'll sleep well and not have bad dreams.

Sleep

How interesting God created us and wired us all so differently yet so the same. My sleep patterns for now has been quite hmm..normal...in the sense that i sleep and wake up at about the same time all the time. Obviously my wake up times is pegged to Eliza's one. But i still sleep at anytime from 12-2am. Hardly earlier. Maybe at 11pm+ on some days when i'm really tired.

We aren't made to be robots. Really. When Eliza went to quite a predictable patten for bedtime, i was already wondering when she'll start changing her pattern.

After saying good night and hugs and kisses to everyone in the house, we'll start with picking her books for bedtime read to be left on the bed.
3. Then we'll go brush teeth (today i added a sit on potty to 'pee' with me).
4. Then switch off lights and close bathroom door
5. Read books. (nowadays it has expanded to 3-5 books lasting anytime from 10-20min of reading! i mean it's great la..but i wonder if she is just prolonging bedtime)
6. Pray...with Elmo too
7. Switch off lights
8. Go to window to say goodnight to whatever, whoever (moon, star, car, ah-gong's van, gugu's car, everybody, gorgor jiejie, etc etc)
9. Draw the curtains and take cream
10. Jump to bed, put cream, turn on music
11. Finish of milk and water
11. ZZzzzz

These days after we came back from Phuket, she seemed to develop a fear of sleeping with the lights out so Step.7 is skipped. We also skipp step.8 & 9. which i usually use to transit her to go into bed. So these few days i'll continue the book reading in her bed till she finished her books. and it's time to sleep.

Somehow the book reading has extended bedtime about 15mins longer than usual...and she has been waking up at 6am+ for milk, falling back to sleep till about 8am+. I kinda like that cos i get to sleep in this holidays. :) Just don't know how long this will last!

the boring mechanics of sleep

I've always been quite particular about getting Eliza sleep enough and in routine. Of course, like every other human being, we deviate from the norm sometimes. Still...i do enforce the usual nap & sleep times, which of course Eliza doesn't complain about cos she is tired by then anyway. The problem with sleep is also that Eliza's growing and her sleep needs changes as she grows so we've gotta make adjustments here and there.
I think one of the fears is that her lack of sleep will make everything and everyone else irritable. Of all the 365x2 days we've been though, i have tried and test (in a way), and agree with what many books/experts say about lack of sleep.

"When they become overtired, they have a harder time falling asleep and staying asleep, and they get up earlier than if they were put down at an appropriate time." -Jill Spivack

Saturday afternoons are the worst...cos when Eliza's cousins are here and they don't nap, it is quite a challenge to get her to her room to sleep. She'll want to join them, and hearing their shouts and loud voices outside her room doesn't help a bit at all. Somehow kids don't quite have the capacity to control their volumes is it? We always remind the boys but they still shout across the house. So we always end up with Eliza crying and throwing tantrums cos she's not allowed to go out and play. Still she sleeps eventually, after being so exhausted from all that tussle.

Bedtime
Eliza used to eventually fall asleep at 10pm+. (that's after taking 1hr to fall asleep) and yet wake up at 7am. So if i start bedtime later, she falls asleep even later. That also means that i have less 'peaceful' time before my own bedtime. Nowadays, since she has dropped her 2nd nap, she's able to be sent to bedtime at 8pm and fall asleep by 830pm, and most of the time wake up at 7+am the next day. So sleeping early doesn't always equate to waking up early. Really. That was one of my mil's concerns when i set her off to sleep really early. And that's one of the not so logical thing that i've learnt.

Early bedtime also means that i do get less time with her after work. The earliest i can get home is 730am. And like today when i'm home slightly later at 8pm, i'm left with so called 1/2hour to bathe, eat dinner, play with her, get her to drink her milk and supposedly go to the room for bedtime by 830pm. Oh but i missed her so much that i played cooking with her a little more till 9pm. It was more difficult to sleep, compared to her super smooth bedtime the past few days. She wanted to go out, wanted to ask for my mil, wanted daddy...etc requests which i had to deflect and distract. I knew letting her out of the room is a recipe for disaster (ok i'm exaggerating..but it just gets her excited again and result in the nap example i mentioned earlier).

Night wakings
I honestly think that i'm one of the selected mums that has her kid wanting to make contact in the middle of the night, even at 2yrs of age. Eliza on an average wakes up 1.5 times. There are good and bad times. Of course there had been exceptional days when she slept right through, there have also been days when she wakes up and makes a din.

One of the the problems with the nights was her scratching. We've been through this scratch to sleep period which is now a rare occourance, by the grace of God. This really cuts down the time she takes to go to sleep. But she still wakes up at night to scratch, though much lesser already. The key to this was partially, the heat. We turned on the air-con everynight nowadays (except these few days cos our air-con is spoilt). That helped. Though i think she somehow grew out of it and God answered my prayers. She still scratches when she wakes up and takes time to fall back to sleep....but at least it's not as often as before.

The other night wakings was her request for milk. It was an issue before and recently she has been asking for it again. Sometimes i do give her milk cos she has missed her nighttime milk or i felt she didn't eat enough during the day. Else, i would go out and give her water in her milk bottle.
Recently, after a discipline issue that Ww and I had a disagreement on, when Eliza was defiant on keeping her toys, i realized that i forgot all about the "staying put" method which we did use when we were going through the 'night milk wakings' previously. I tried it again with the night wakings for milk; Stayed put and refused to go out to get milk until she was tired of crying and struggling. All the while, i was carrying her and hugging her, occasionally telling her that there's no drinking of milk in the middle of the night. I knew she doesn't want milk and all she wants was to go out of the room, and the only way for her to do so was to ask for milk. Eventually she'll lean her head on my shoulder while i sang and rocked her till she's more calmed down and ready to go back to sleep.
It was a tough 2 nights but we had much better 2 nights after that. I was prepared to do that for a week! but i guess she got the point after 2 nights. Still i'm prepared that she might forget it and we have to do that all over again.

I guess we have to suffer a bit before we can have a break through...else we'll be suffering for life! (ok almost) Ww told me of his friend whose 5yr old daughter still waking up at 5am+ for milk...i don't want to be still doing that when Eliza's 5yrs old! That should keep me on my toes.

I'm learning still, learning to let go, learning when to stay firm, and learning to be consistent.

The evolution of the sleepy days

I realized today, while putting Eliza to sleep, that her sleeping patterns have evolved over time. From resisting sleep and clinging on to my mil so that she doesn't need to go to sleep, to now happily saying good night to everyone and marching off to the bedroom. It's really interesting.

I've survived carrying her to sleep, rocking her to sleep, dancing her to sleep in those pre-walking days. I've also survived those struggles in getting her to stay in her bed while she wants to bounce off all 6 sides of the room. I've survived the 1 hour getting her to sleep (usually 30mins playing + 30 mins scratching).

Nowadays bedtime is sightly different. Maybe it's because she somehow has dropped her afternoon nap and by the time i get home at around 730-8pm, she's quite tired enough to sleep. So bedtime lasts on an average of 1/2 hour, at least on 80% of the days she dozes off by the time her lullaby songs reach mid-way or earlier.
I guess she also knows it's sleep time anyway, since i would have read to her, prayed with her, reminded her 100x to finish her milk else she'll cry for milk at night and i won't give it to her, turned off the lights and try to lower my voice or not talk at all.

Tonight she has gathered all her bedside friends (Elmo and 3 carebears) + her bolsters while she lay on her tummy and drifted off to lala-land. Before that she'll be flipping off all 4 corners of her bed trying to find a right position, scratching her head/hands/neck/legs, occasionally standing up and saying something, then plopping back to lie down.

Her best position is still to sleep on her tummy, somehow that position seems to minimize her scratching.

However the night times aren't any better, she'll still need to wake up for a stretch of time to scratch scratch scratch. And if i have fallen asleep by then, depending on my state of tiredness, i'm not always the most patient and nice. Because it can last about an hour, i can't be sitting by her bed and patting her or stopping her from scratching; plus cos the scratching comes in waves, she'll scratch, stop and start all over again. In between, i would have dozed off and then get woken up by her whines or demands for me to sit beside her bed. Interestingly, she doesn't want to sleep with us, it would be a better option cos i can be beside her through the scratchy hour but she'll want to get back to her bed! The only time she sleeps with us is when she wakes up at 6am+ for milk and falls back to sleep.

I hope this night itchiness and wakings evolve away so i can have a more peaceful night's sleep.

Still, it is a bliss to have her fall asleep, knowing that she's getting the rest she needs to grow and i can also have some me-time or a nap too!

There are times in the afternoons when she's so tired she'll fall asleep drinking her milk/water. This time was quite an exception, the fever was making her quite tired and drowsy...and somehow drinking water eventually sent her off to lala-land.


When we go out, boring strolls on her stroller during her nap times are perfect for getting her to sleep. Even so, she's still insistent on trying to stay up until sleep overcomes her...well...that's why she is usually found falling asleep like that.


There's something really enjoyable about have a deep good sleep...her leg usually is raised up (kiao1 ka1)...seems like it's more comfortable like that.


This was a rare morning she's still sleeping when both of us are already awake (it was 9am!)
So shuang3


Enjoy your naps!

30th week check up

It's a 10week countdown to baby's arrival!

We're still having our appointments at a 3-week interval which will reduce to a 2-week interval. So far so good, thank God that baby Eliza's growing well. Just that err.r..i've gained 2kg in 3 weeks! :S and Eliza's gained about only 400g. not as much as previously tho so she's still quite an average size baby. Ww says it's good la..so not so difficult during labour. i think i was quite an average size baby too..abt 6lb.

We somewhat gotta be on standby mid-nov in case baby decides to come out earlier so i really got get ready all the things! Haven't packed her drawers, wash her clothes, prepare her cot, pack the bag for the hospital stay, bought pajamas etc etc.

and a great thing is that my gynae gave me 2 days MC to rest at home. :) because of all the tiredness, which is baby's way of telling me to take a break! (considering that last week was quite hectic being out after work everyday!). I'm still sleepy tho but the odd thing is when i lie to try to sleep i'm quite awake! argh! i was thinking i'm starting to adapt to a short sleep but frequent sleep pattern to prepare for baby's arrival. so 10 more weeks to persevere!!

Meanwhile we've also decided on a Chinese name for Eliza...finally. 蔡智灵. simple and nice which means wise spirit. tho Ww once mentioned, what if baby turns out to be a boy instead? hahahaa...then we'll find a new name.

i wanted to scan the last ultrasound scan but it's in Ww's organizer, this time she has still hidden her face frm us, allowing us only to see her left and right ear. it's quite hard to make out the ultrasound scans at times and the easiest part to identify is always her spine....still it's great to see her. :) maybe i'll try talking her to turn her head the next gynae visit.

How we've grown

It's quite fast baby Eliza and I grow. She's really getting good enough food from me yah. i need to up my calcium intake cos it's time baby takes in calcium to grow her bones..and i don't really like drinking milk cos the taste makes me feel like puking. (so it's soya bean, yoghurt, vanilla milk and calcium supplement)

Taken on 2 different occasions...
this is on 31 Aug

this is taken today...16 Sep.

2 weeks!!! i feel i've grown significantly le...maybe cos i ate a lot today..hmm...let's see
bfast: noodles + soya bean
lunch: the chaichee chicken porridge + some carrot cake + soya bean
dinner: (at my mum's place) rice with cod fish + veg + mushroom wrapped in beef slice, + juice, then honeydew, then mooncake + tea
seems like a lot. uh....

yesterday was the first time i was hungry at late night, craving for fried carrot cake..at 130am. i have already rolled in bed for 1hr plus, lullaby songs all played thru...and found myself hungry so i made a slice of wholemeal bread + butter + half slice of cheese; only to find it so delicious that i made another one and read till i felt sleepy enough to fall asleep..it was prob 2am by then. oh the difficulties of sleeping at night!

but afternoon naps are a bliss...i absolutely love afternoon naps! managed to catch it on sat & sun (all 2 hours plus of it of sleep), thank God! too bad i can't have aftnn naps at work so i'm like so drowsy in the afternoon at work :( only to go home tired out.

Eliza has been quite active these days, feeling her rolling or nudging around more frequently which is really quite fun and makes me laugh sometimes. it's ticklish! and a happy feeling :D if you're lucky you'll get to feel her too cos i really can't predict when she moves though there's a sleep-wake pattern that she has but still.... sometimes i think she knows someone wants to feel her move and she deliberately doesn't move, mischievous gal! but unless you are carrying a baby, you won't feel it the way we mums feel our babies move in us. like what JF jie was saying, it's a privilege we women have that men don't. it does seem kinda scary having a life moving in our womb, (you know like all those younger days of watching horror shows...) but when it comes to our darling baby, handcrafted by God it's really a wonderful experience.