My thoughts are is a mess. they are always in a mess. a thought pops here and there in the day, i make a mental note to write it down but time escapes me.
So this entry is in no chronological order...it's just my messed up thoughts, add in some scatter-brained hormones..and yeaps messy. bear with me.
Went to SKS to buy books on Vesak day...just because Ww said SKS is open on Vesak day! ok...so we bought $160+ worth of books. (2 books for Eliza!!)
Of the books we bought i started reading this (it was on offer!) :
And cos i started reading on my non-working day...i started reading in the bathroom...(don't try to guess what i was doing). I like what Gary Thomas wrote in..
"Parenting is a two-way street! Our kids have taught us how to sacrifice and how to handle guilt; they've schooled us in the art of listening and forced us to our knees in prayer; they've shown us how to laugh, how to grieve, and how to live courageously; they've helped us face our inadequacy, need, and reliance on One who is greater than we are. The experience of parenting comprises one of the most influential aspects of spiritual formation I've ever known."
No wonder they call parenthood life-changing.
I look forward to what lies ahead. But i also see how Eliza has changed me in this 6mths.
While my walk with God varies greatly in these months, mothering Eliza always reminds me of how much i needed to depend on God, or how much i have lacked in listening to Him, or how thankful i am for all He has blessed us with. Bedtime prayer always draws me back to Him.
Patience, one of the fruits of the Spirit. I used to think i am quite patient. Well...not until Eliza. I learnt and am learning to be more patient. It's like God is refining that part of me. there are times when i've lost my cool with her, especially when i know she's sleepy and yet doesn't want to sleep, and she'll cry and arch her back and try to get out of my arms; when i put her down or change position, it doesn't work still. It doesn't just happen once but 2, 3, 4 times! Sometimes i'll get so frustrated i'll change my tone of voice towards her. after that or halfway through, i realize that i needed to understand how she's feeling and that she may not have that capacity to say things or react to things like how we adults do. I just needed to try and try and try until we figured out what it is.
I also needed to be patient when a developmental milestone has not been met yet. Does it matter? Every baby is different and will develop at their own time, but we mummies will worry when our baby hasn't done this or that yet. Eliza didn't flip at 4mths but when she did at almost 5mths, she keeps doing it now.
I also needed to be patient when starting her on solids. It's been a week and Eliza's not as 'greedy' as i hoped her to be. She's doing better on her baby cereal but i think too distracted to eat it properly, i don't think she's fully mastered swallowing yet. So far pureed carrots and apples isn't a hot favourite with her yet.
Will be back...gotta go hang the clothes & warm Eliza's dream feed soon. It's 10pm.