Counting down

9 more days...that's the amount of time left till we leave. As much as we have been planning and preparing for this day, the reality is setting in. The reality that our new life starts then.

I have been spending the first week that Ww has been away to adjust to him not being around. And then the second and third week packing the boxes for freight. And this last week to pack the check in luggages. Hopefully the last week of 4 days will be to rest and tie up loose ends.

This packing thing is really difficult somehow. Cos there's so many things to bring and it's all sorts of things. From our fav books to clothes to household items to toys and stuff. Then I had to consider whether these things are to be freighted or packed in our luggages.

Today I started the luggage packing. Vacuum packed 2 bags of clothes which already weighs 7.7kg. There's still more. And as I pack, I discover new items to be packed in!! How? We have one large bag and the others seem just too small to stuff 23kg worth of items in.

Actually the most challenging part of packing is to find the time to do so. It's different when u have all the time in the world to do it and when u have 2 kids to demand your attention or when u don't know whether the littlest one is crying her head off cos she's hungry or sleepy. I can't quite do it well unless it's at night when they have slept or my mil brings Eliza to her place and Emily sleeps well in the evening; or when my mil is around.; or when Emily sleeps well in the morning.

Pray I can finish all these in time and in sanity without veering towards exhaustion.

Frustration

Has my patience waned thin or is it just that I'm stressed or that Emily is more difficult to handle than Eliza. There are nights like tonight when I struggle to get her to sleep but either I'm just too impatient or too tired, she just wouldn't let me put her down. I get so exhausted that i would just leave her to cry. Thankfully Eliza is with my in-laws. though if eliza's around, I might have carried Emily more so that she doesn't cry and disturb Eliza.

Is it because she didn't sleep well today and it has rolled over to her night sleep? Yesterday she slept much that I was worried she wouldn't sleep at night but she did, at 1030pm. What a relief to have the kids sleep early.

Sometimes I wonder why am I so busy. There's bottles to wash and sterilize. Even my basic hygiene like brushing teeth will have to be done while my mum carries her. I have my never-ending packing. The place to sort out as in de-clutter that mess that Eliza made. Etc.

Or is it because I carried her too much when she was younger? I really dunno.

Week 6

Emily is 6 weeks old! What an eventful 6 weeks! And 22 days to leaving Singapore.

On Emily
She sleeps in our arms. Loves it. And when we put her down it's like she got an alarm that wakes her up and we gotta carry her again. Else...she cries so loud our ear hurts. I didn't remember Eliza to cry THAT loud!
The past few days has been slightly better in that she doesn't cry so much when I bathe her. At least I try to find a good time to do so! She smiles a lot more when we play with her. Nevertheless, these times are short, before she is sleepy and gets cranky.
Most of the times she doesn't leave our arms and I am super duper out of the world glad when she sleeps in her bed so I can quickly do the chores or some serious packing! Else, I'm doing what I can to read to Eliza, talk to Eliza, even have lunch with Eliza, eat my bfast, drink something with her in my arms. If I had nothing much to do I wouldn't have minded but there's lots to do and I hope 22 days is sufficient for packing!
That said, she sleeps well at night, maybe it's my smell or she knows tt when I bring her to our room it's bedtime? Plus i latch her then and she's right beside me.
God bless this lil girl. We're slowly discovering what she is like!

On Eliza
She has been so sweet although there are times when she wanted me to put Emily down cos she wanted to play cars with me. Or at one point she did say she didn't want Emily. That's rare cos most of the time she'll give Emily things. And today she said daddy will scold ah-ma cos ah-ma said should throw Emily cos she's naughty. (u know how the older generation like to say tt they sell u to the garang guni man etc?)

Eliza has also improved in her self-feeding. Hugz!

God grant me the strength to get through all these. To love both my girls in a god honouring way. To pack our stuff wisely. To be patient with my newborn who needs us to hold her a lot despite us needing to get much done and spend time with her sister. God grant me rest when I sleep and enough milk for Emily.

2 kids

It's tough handling two. When I think of it I wonder if I'll ever have another one. Amazed at how those get by with many kids and little help. I'm thankful that I gave both my mum and mil to help especially while Ww is away. It is not so much the elder kid that is difficult but the younger one needing a lot of attention and carrying hat's difficult. Add the unpredictability of an infant with regards to their eating and sleeping.

One as difficult as it is then is so much easier than two. I love them both but I also feel the strain of not giving them the full attention I can with one. Add the demands of the chores that needs to be done and for us, packing!

I'm really really thankful that Eliza can play on her own quite well but there are time when she wants my attention and my physical person to play with her which I can't always do so. She is doing well with changing her clothes and eating. But I'll still need to bathe her and food needs to be prepared. So if the time is just not right when emily refuses to be put down, it's really trying.

God grant me extra portion of patience and energy and grace to get through this well. I hate to lose my temper with Eliza during bedtime. But it happens. I try my best to appreciate her for the accommodations she makes for Emily and praise her for some of the things she does and says well.

I haven't ventured into the cooking part yet and that'll pose a great challenge. The challenging part is when and how to cook? I still remember how it wasn't easy to cook when Eliza was a few mths old either.

Blocked duct

This never happened to me the first time round. Actually yesterday I breastfed Emily at 9pm+ and bottle fed at 10+pm to settle her to sleep as she was up all evening. (overtiredness surely). So after drinking so much she was nice and full and slept all the way till 4am. That is almost 7 hours that I haven't 'released' milk. That made my left breast have a blocked duct that hurt badly and massaging it in hope to unblock it didn't help. So it hurt the whole day. It doesn't help that I felt achey and tired which I thought was a lack of sleep. Actually after taking a panadol just now (that's like after a whole day) did I feel a LOT better. I also found that I was having a 38.0deg fever. Doesn't help that I was having a bad throbbing headache that made me grouchy to Eliza during bedtime.

I'm much better now though I don't think the milk duct has unblocked completely yet.

Managed to wake sleepy Emily (cos she was overtired almost half the day) for milk and her help to clear the block. Fed her the second top up feed (as per gina ford routine) in the dark room, swaddled her tight tight and let her drift off to sleep. Thank God she did! Phew!

Gotta set alarm for 3.30 lest emily oversleeps (which isn't all a bad thing actually)

Nights!